Where are we now?

 I haven't made a post here in almost two years. I've been really busy with life, started a family, been working a lot. It's not that I had no time to post anything, it doesn't take that long. It's just that there have been so many other priorities that I had an let's be honest, I am a strong procrastinator.

From a professional standpoint, I'll reflect as to where I am in my journey. I keep forgetting when I graduated, some patients ask me how long I have been a dentist and I have to calculate the years in my head. I get it less and less these days, but still so because I have a young face (at least I think I do). I graduated end of 2016 so that makes it (...2017, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) my 9th year as a dentist. I know that some of my colleagues have expanded their skills much faster than me, and I know that some have developed much slower and are pretty much where they were when they graduated, just working a bit faster at producing the same type and quality of work. 

I am feeling like I have conquered the basics, simple perio, restorative work. Work for the most part doesn't give me the same anxiety that it did when I was a student or a new grad. Yes, sometimes I forget that I had butterflies in my stomach at the start of every day or when I had to do an extraction or a filling. It has been long enough that I am disconnected from that. I am not at the university anymore but when the students sometimes brought up their worries or concerns, I can't relate to them. I suppose everyone goes through that stage at some point or another in their career. Whether it is dentistry or now. People are afraid of what they are afraid of, be it public speaking, a new project in a new industry, a new procedure etc. 

Past those "simple" procedures, I am expanding my horizons trying to tackle more complex procedures. For example I am trying to tackle more wisdom teeth removal, more complex pros work, multiple units of indirects rather than single units. To be honest, I have had successes and I have challenges. It's the old Dunning Kruger curve. I am still woefully ignorant of all that I don't know. And my old patterns of avoidance are reemerging...

2 days ago and then yesterday I really struggled with wisdom teeth removal. I was really stressed the first day and then the day after I thought I had an easy case to do and I struggled even harder even with the initial parts of it like local anaesthetic and flap elevation. Then I raised a really bad flap on one side and exposed the lingual nerve. It was my first time doing this and I am still waiting to hear back from the patient as the whether or not they have had any nerve damage from this. I am anxious but I have accepted there is nothing I can do at this point to change the outcome.  Either way, once I get over the initial phase and accept the situation, this will surely be a learning experience for me. I will be more critical in my case difficult and risk analysis and if all goes well it will be a warming experience for me to understand that the body can recover despite having trauma. If it doesn't turn out well, well that's another experience as to how to manage these situations. I do remember that as a new grad whenever I had an adverse outcome, my first reaction was to avoid the procedure entirely. I referred pretty much all extractions if there was a small chance of surgical removal and almost all root canal treatments. Hopefully I have changed in my approach and I don't lose courage and can still continue to grow, just cautiously.

I know this isn't a personal blog but my personal life does reflect in my professional life. I have a 1.5 year old child and another on the way. People ask me how I can juggle having a young child and working full time-6 days a week. to be honest it's not too bad at this point, my wife and in laws do most of the child rearing. My work life is pretty much as it was prior to children but I do have something to come home to at the end of the day which is good. A second child will change the dynamic for sure and I will probably need to spend less time working and more time at home. However, balanced against that is that we are looking for a house, in Sydney no less. I think our mortgage will push our finances to the limit which to be honest I think is ill advised. However, we want what we want and as I have put no say into the areas or types of houses we are looking at I can't cry out in objection after the fact. If I want a say then I should have a say but for one, I think we will be fine, and two it's not in my personality to care about these kinds of things. To me, all I need is to know we will be able to afford to have a place to live and to be able to put food on the table. Anything above and beyond that is a bonus.

 I have been thinking lately (which is rare), what is the next step in my life? For the past few years it's just been focusing on work, family has kind of just happened.  I think at this point in my life (early 30s), we need to start thinking about the next 20 year plan. I do enjoy pushing my body to its limits but at some point my body will push back and I can't work the same intensity, hours and types of procedures that I am doing now. I am not at my peak yet, but I have to plan for when I start to decline from my peak. I have to think, how can I support my body physically, how can I support my family emotionally and financially without being inconsistent. I can become weak, I can become sick, I can become incapacitated. But what passive income can I generate that can provide for us even if I can't. What is there beyond clinical dentistry? I know nothing of investment, future planning and I haven't really thought about it before now. But there is an endpoint to all this and I need to start putting some thought into how I will take the next stage in my life. It's not good enough to just think about myself anymore.

 In any case, we will see if I have the motivation to make some more posts. I have closed off my social media accounts, they as always were a waste of time. Toxic and feeds our imposter syndrome. Perhaps I will have some time and motivation to focus on my own development instead of looking at the development of others.